difficulties in wearing a mask......

"MASK"...is an artefact normally worn on the face, typically for protection, concealment, performance, or amusement. Some of us are very good in wearing a mask and us human being use it mostly to conceal their true identity. people wear masks for several reasons out of all those the below two are the roots for it.

1. to avoid reality
2. to hide their cunningness

i myself wear a mask too n have met many who wear masks but those are the kind that people call "back stabbers". i don't quite fall to that group i wear my great mask to avoid reality. i know what yr thinking....u think am a coward but truth is no am not...i wear the mask so that people wont realize my true identity plus just because i have a bad day i shouldn't ruin everybody else's day right??? through out the years with great practice i have become a master in my disguises.

i cant quite remember when i picked up upon the mask but i know it has something to do with big mama and so often find myself with raging ager towards her which i force to go away because IT JUST NOT RIGHT. the reason is well because i never seem to be good enough with what ever i do n big mama is never satisfied. but mostly its because of her lack of trust in me..i nvr did anything to break it but she alwys looked down on me with great suspicion. i often thought that is was all me, i was the problem n blamed myself for everything and tried doing my best but i always seem to fail. there have been numerous times i have thought of putting and end to it, n the situation only got worse as i was lonely and had no one to talk to. So if u ask me how may times i have attempted i probably wont even be able to count but i made it through because of my tribe. i spent almost more than half of my day concentrating on our tribal activities so that all my energy will be spent on it. and it did save me.

even though i had many attempts, even finished a bottle of pills on day they never seemed to work.later on i stopped doing so. simply because there were many people who looked up to me n i didnt want to let them down because that was the one thing that i had during those years. so i told myself that i will not be a coward n run away from my problem..i will face them even though it tears me apart or no matter how may tears will be gushing out of my eyes..I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON ME.. n it worked...i was saved by no1 else but by me..amazing strengths us humans have!! thank the lord for that.

even though i gave up on that thought it still lingers inside me. when ever my trust is judged.i wonder why i have to be so honest..if big mama doesn't trust me i should just live up to her statements fooling around with out a care in the world. but i can never bring myself to do so what ever said n done i still love her more than my life, but its such a pity that she doesn't have a clue...

yes i wanted to give up on my mask, be honest with my friends i can i do have trust worthy friends but then they will see big mama in a different angel i don't want that either! then Mr.big only makes it worse...his visit to SL keeps getting delayed. it went from july to december to january to february to april to july n am damn sure he wont make it in july either. n then he says "are u upset?" n i say "no am alright there is always a next time, just wish u i could see you soon" . why? why? why?... why cant i just say it

NO! AM NOT ALRIGHT ITS BEEN MORE THAN A YEAR I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE YOU...I YEARN FOR YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY! SEE YOUR FACE EVERY WHERE I GO!!! I WANT TO BE IN YOUR ARMS!!! Y? DON'T U FEEL THE SAME WAY? I WANT YOU TO HAVE SOME TIME FOR ME!!!



but i just cant say it,all i get are gushing tears. my weakness: i love people too much, forgive them easily.my lesson: good hearted people need to get use to this heartache.and i am once again waiting for Mr.big...u might b thinking that Mr.big is fooling around...na he isn't i know he loves me a lot..its his weakness of trying to satisfy everyone at the same time which ends up dissatisfying me. so hear i go wearing the mask.. echo the happy girl with a smile on her face but alas if only u would know about my mask....

i don't even know why am writing this today, guess i just want to get it out of my system because i met with an incident of that sort today.

A dedication to moi....

so...here i am, with my first ever post. have to say i did have my share of laugh creating this blog. u see i created my link as "confessions of an echo" which some how changed to as "contessions of an echo", tried to Google the meaning if there was any meaning to it and ended up getting 'are u refering to confessions'. this is usual with me and technology, some how we just don't get along together which is a very similar behavior to my ex...lol :).

so i wondered what i should write on my first blog and i realised due to the limited 12oo words in the profile description what better subject to start off with than MOI.. ya i can be a little self obsessed at times ;) but as a teen trust me i was never this comfortable with myself, still amazes me as to how this whole turn over happened and i some how cannot find the climax to the whole scenario either.

kicking it off.... *drum roll*

am just another average female homosepian like the many others that you have crossed upon..confusing and arrogant which i consider as a women's best tools to drive the opposite sex insane hence always gives us an upper hand. as u can see am very content with my gender while i have met many women who often whine about the fact how their brothers go out n come the next morning and bla bla bla...well not that there is any difference in what i go through, i am too locked and chained to my room most times but i seem to be content with my habitat which is odd i know but my imaginary friends keeps me entertained. .wow i sound like a lunatic now, lol.. ok so i had imaginary friends when i was 4 or 5 well it wasn't imaginary i just use to talk with my dolls which is natural with all my ladies at that age.. .i think :O something similar with guys and their balls (i mean the toy, no no not that toy....the average cricket ball, basket ball, base ball etc). n yes am a bit hyperactive too not always though but it becomes worse when am with my tribe almost like am drunk without any alcoholic substance!

i am a person who takes life as it is, i will take it all with open arms whether it is an endure of pain or joy, as some one i love more than myself told me "what is life with out its difficulties..and those who give us the hardest times are our greatest teachers". true isnt it??? well it is for me i have learnt more about myself from the toughest times in my life not only when it comes to the matters of the heart but when dreams that i worked for since i was a teen collapses on me..that time i thought i would never find my way back... but i did :). i think its important we experience all these tragic events in life and it only makes us stronger and we will witness all other options we have in life.

12.30 am and tomorrow the 1st day of the 2nd semester, darn its already tomorrow!!! this is it for my first post...i like to end it without the normal polished "so thats all about me" because am still identifying who i am n i believe we will always be, because life is filled with lessons we ought to live...so am leaving my post with question marks and pondering sleepless thoughts beacuse there is no other better way to put me into words...I AM AN UNFINISHED BUSINESS :) WITH A LONG ROAD AHEAD.... also beacause i have to wake up at 5.30 am and catch my public trasportation to uni.. *sigh*...

till next time,
adios.......