Ever had those days where everything seems to be a blur?? Well I have been having those for the past few days. Why?? Well for many reasons…but mostly this black cloud is hung over me. And all sorts of rubbish run through my head. Biggest reason is the fact that I miss Mr. big a lot. No it’s not in a way that u reminisce the memories, I have surpassed that it’s a feeling that tears you apart coz u don’t want any other man than him.
Long distant relationship, yes that’s what I have gotten myself into AGAIN.I just cannot understand why I fell for a guy miles and miles away for the second time!!! I guess it’s just me. Not that am complaining about Mr. big but just wish I was with him, more close to him. Today on my long ride on my public transportation ride to uni my mind went drifting to Mr. big..the way he held my hands, and how amazingly soft they were, how his arm would rest comfortably along my waist, the way he brushes my hair off my face, the way his eyes sparkle, the way he looks at me, the warmth I feel when his lips touches mine..i just go completely insane!! I so badly yearn for him I want to know how it feels like again so tired of reminiscing them at each bus ride every morning to uni and from uni to home. I don’t know if falling in love with him was a curse or a gift. If another man can fill his place in my life, if he wasn’t so special it wouldn’t be this difficult for me. But no one can ever replace him in my heart, its only him that I ask for every night and morning..to be his ONLY HIS!!!
Often try to keep myself busy in order to block all these emotions. But there is this certain angel in my life who has figured out about my mask and now it is impossible for me to hide anything from him. In one hand am glad that I have someone to talk to but in the other hand am disappointed because I would have to answer his entire questions. And he worries a great deal about me and my feeling for Mr. big, why am the least of his priorities…I didn’t even realized that till he mentioned it. Sometimes I wonder if Mr. big feels the same way I do, question the fact if he really loves me, after rationally thinking for a while the answer is an obvious YES. I know him too well and better about his feelings for me and he has put a great share of work to make this work. But what I don’t understand is why I never get to see him!
Many of my friends are very polite they never talk much about Mr. big unless I bring it up, but I can see it in their eyes…how they sympathize me and a particular character who has the least faith in us is awaiting till things between us end. This “she” goes on with her tell tales as soon as I turn my back and now she has turned to a character that I despise. I try to change my emotions towards her but always end up at square one.
It amazes me to how much faith I have on Mr. big, although my patience and faith once let me down, for some reason I just keep going. Life can’t be this cruel to me, I paid my dues with a terrible heartbreak once I sure I won’t be punished again. But I only pray that Mr. big realizes to spare some time for me.I hope my obedient silence and patience will make him understand that. Till that day I will be waiting for him…come home soon Mr. big....i need you now more than ever…I LOVE YOU
1 comment:
"Angels deserve to die"
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